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This article is a transcript of the Greatest Freakout Ever episode "Greatest freak out ever 5" from season, which posted on July 20, 2009.

  • Jack: Okay, we have a really really crappy microwave. That won't cook anything, and Stephen is trying to cook a TV dinner, and Stephen is getting really mad.
  • Stephen: Oh, my god, mom. Mom, we need a freakin' microwave. Mom! It's a freakin' piece of crap that doesn't cook. Mom! Answer me! Mom! (Banging on microwave 2 times) Mom!
  • Jennifer: Yelling is not gonna make it cook any faster, just leave it alone!
  • Stephen: If it... Oh, my freakin' god, I have it in here... Look. The box says. The box says "2 freakin' minutes." It's been it there for seven, and it's still cold. MOM!! I want my freakin' turkey breast with freakin' gravy. And it's... Yeah, it's still freakin' frozen, mom. It's still frozen. (He unplugs the microwave and he throws the turkey breast on the ground, and he grabs the microwave) This is what you get for not buying a new microwave.
  • Jack: Dude. What are you do...
  • Stephen: Shut up! God! You have a freakin' boner for that freakin' camera, get out of my face!
  • Jack: What are you ah... Stephen. Wow, Stephen, don't, you better freakin'... (Stephen throws the microwave on the ground and it's broken, and Jack's sides are going into orbit) Oh, my god. Dude.
  • Stephen: Get out of my freakin' face!
  • Jack: Wow.
  • Stephen: Shut up!
  • Jack: Wow, Stephen.
  • Stephen: Yeah, I'm freakin' starving.
  • (He slams the door)
  • Jack: That was great!